* Friday, December 31, 2004 *

I'm gonna do an audio post in a little while...
Just for the simple fact that I don't think that my voice was heard enough in 2004.

Fuck that 2005 is gonna be different!

i am who i am
6:34 PM

* Monday, December 20, 2004 *

Okay so my fucking AOL is not working so I had to turn my nice leisurely trip to the library into a hectic one by waiting on a computer. I've been trying to check my AOL email of about a half hour now with no luck. I'm not sure if this computer is just weird or something is wrong with my account. This is not good.

Things are still pretty sucky. My family is still crazy and I still don't have a job. The only thing positive in my life are my internship and my friends Kathy and Katina. If it wasn't for them I woulda been all suicidal again. My internship makes me happy and last week I got to go twice cause Tarin had to finish up final projects and the other intern was still fairly new.
(YAY MY EMAIL JUST CAME UP)

This holiday season is really sucking very badly. My family is still crazy and they would seem to have the money to just magically send me a ticket to come visit. That is cool but when I cannot eat cause I have no money or I'm counting change to go to the internship no one can help me then. They have a very warped sense of reality. I admit that I'm not all there. But I am definitely a product of my environment. I feel like I just wanna cry, but I'm in the library with a bunch of screaming kids and teenagers so I think I'll try to hold back. I tried putting up my Christmas tree but it is crooked and I cannot find the ornaments. I wanted to send Christmas cookies for Xyana, Julian and Clarence but I think my aunt took all the cookie cutters and I cannot find a container to package them. I won't even get on how I feel physically. I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday for all of my blood work results. I am scared because there is something wrong and what if it is not what they think? Then what? More blood work? More yucky meds? More specialists? I cannot go through my life like this and I am hoping that I don't have to.

Well I have my internship tomorrow and that is something to look forward to. I just hope that I don't have to go on a hair run or anything strenuous like that. I also hope that a certain person can keep his hands to himself this week. I am not in the mood nor am I ever. I guess I better enjoy my internship cause I probably will not be able to get a job that allows me to have Tuesdays off. I'm supposed to be going to

Dons & Divas but I don't have a thing to wear, my hair is a mess and I don't have a way to get to Atlantic City. Is anyone going to that? I guess I've got till Saturday night to figure that out.

i am who i am
5:58 PM

* Wednesday, December 15, 2004 *

Thanks to everyone who is sending me well wishes. I am determined to keep a positve attititude. A big thanks to my friends Kathy and Katina who have really been helping me to retain my sanity. Okay enough shout outs.

Yesterday I had my internship. Uncle Luke was supposed to come in but he wasn't feeling well and missed his plane. I had to make a few runs but nothing too major. Loius Vuitton and the sushi spot. I like the fact that she trusts me with large sums of money. She even lent me her cell phone.

Speaking of sushi though, The Queen of all Interns (Tarin) and I spoke on the ophone this past weekend and she said that shw was having a craving for sushi. I happened upon a few bucks and I figured that we could pick some up after work. When 6 came we ended up engrossed in some work and conversation didn't end up leaving the station until almost 9. Now the place that Miss Wendy gets her sushi is pretty expensive. The very first time I ever ordered for her the bill was $54! Just for her. Tarin and I decided to go to Penn Station and grab some there. When we got there they were closed. So I figured that we could find som place one 7th. We didn't so we figured maybe up 32nd. We went into this one resturant sat down and when we were ready to order they said there was no more sushi for the night. We then attemped to walk back to the place across from the station, which was closed. Tarin then remembered that there was a sushi place two blocks away. Finally at about 10:30 we got our sushi, they were closing so we went to the pizza place next door and ordered sliced and drinks. Sushi and pizza. One of the best dinners I've had in a long time. I want some more sushi. Who's buying?

i am who i am
3:52 PM

* Friday, December 10, 2004 *

Damn I really shouldn't bounce like that. Without warning. Things in Izzoland have been more than crazy. Sometimes I feel like if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything. The whole selling of the house thing is making me sick. Physically. No jokes. I've always suffered from low blood pressure and yesterday I found out that my pressure is high. I've also been suffering from crazy headaches and chest pains that have been scaring me. I have been going to the doctor and they are running more tests so I can figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

I can't promise but I want to update and comment more frequently. Sometimes I just update in my LJ but this will always be my favorite spot. My computer screen is giving trouble again and I can barely see as I type this. Lord knows I need a new computer along with so many other things.

Most of all I need a job ASAP. I'm still doing my internship, but I guess once I get the job that won't be possible. I feel like I'm not gaining what I should be. Maybe that is on me.

Everyone just keep me in your prayers.

i am who i am
1:00 AM