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I figured a change was in order. Just because...
Since Wendy is not in town this week (due to her fear of the RNC) I won't be starting my internship until next Tuesday. I guess that gives me time to figure out what I'm going to wear and what I'm going to do with my hair. My hair is a total mess. I have the same braids that I've had since June. If I take them out my hair is just going to be all over the place. I would wear it natural, but the only thing about that is that I have to wash it (or rinse it) every day. Sometimes just taking a shower is difficult enough because of the constant fatigue that I experience. It doesn't make sense to get it pressed because it won't last longer than a couple of hours...because it is hot and humid here. I don't have any money so I won't be able to get it braided. I guess I have a whole week to figure it out, because I'm not really going to go anywhere of importance until then.
I do have to go to the doctor. No I haven't done that yet. First I was just scared and BSing. Then on Wednesday I attempted to do
the Atkins program. By Friday night I was in such excruciating pain that I was in tears. Almost every joint in my body hurt and I began having weird pains in my kidney area. On Saturday I came across several articles online saying that too much protein my increace joint pain in lupus patients as well as increase their risk of kidney trouble. Needless to say I ate some of the leftover blueberry muffins Saturday night. I need to figure out a way to lose some weight by the end of October that isn't going to make me sick.
So tomorrow I'm definately going to go to the doctor, picking up my glasses, and finishing my laundry. Tonight I think I'm going to take a nice hot bath, do a face mask, paint my toenails, clean my bathroom and bed room, and if my cousin comes downstairs watch the
the VMAs. If he doesn't come down stairs I'll pass on the VMAs...for some reason I'm not that interested.
i am who i am
5:23 PM
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Does anyone want, need, a G mail account? Either send me an email or IM me if I'm online. (AIM- Zoe702)
i am who i am
2:53 PM
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This filimg of A Baby Story went well after it got under way. I woke up at 5:15 AM so that I could make sure that everything was in order. The producer of the show called me at about 6:20 AM to let me know of the plan...She and the crew were going to come to my house at 9 and set up, drive me to Carol's Daughter, tape us shopping there, drive us back to my house, shoot us here, and then go over to the beach and shoot us a little more. About a an hour later that plan changed. I was supposed to meet them. My house was still not camera ready and I only had 6 dollars. I called and told them I wasn't going to make it in shopping segment. When I spoke to my friend at about 12 she told me they hadn't eaten...and she is pregnant. So I ran out to the store got some grapes, pasta, sauce, and some garlic bread so that I could whip them up something to eat.
They came when I was about to put the pasta in the oven. The crew took a break and the girls got to sit down and pick on the grapes and the fresh blueberry muffins I has made for them earlier. When the crew and producers came back we went straight out to the beach. We walked along the boardwalk and did some silly bantering. One of the girls has to leave so we drove her to the subway,(while the crew took a coffee break) and we met back at my house and they filmed Brooke eating and doing some stuff on her own. Then it was back to the beach to film some individual interviews and for Brooke to do yoga.
Then they brought us back to my house and Brooke, Renee, and I ate and watched TV. Brooke and Renee argued about the US Postal Service, lobster clawed people, and belly butter and then they left.
I realize that I really do need to spend as little amount of time in the sunlight as possible. I was so exhausted and my skin itched all day. I have been a little afraid to go to the doctor. I know I have to, but I'm all alone and it is VERY frightening to me. I'm going to try to go today...or tomorrow...or Saturday. I have to go by Saturday!
I had an interview for an internship last Thursday and last night the young lady who interviewed me emailed me and called me. I got the internship and I start on Tuesday. I should be more excited...but I'm not. I've never been an intern at a radio station...I've worked at a radio station but never interned. And there is a difference. I hope it works out. I hope I get along with everyone...I usually don't have a problem with that. The head intern is the one who interviewed me and we really hit it off, so I hope it is like that with everyone else. So now I expect everyone to listen to The Wendy Williams Experience on Tuesdays.
i am who i am
8:47 AM
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What ever happened to Pepsi Blue...I want it to come back. I really liked it. The Sprite Berry is okay but I like the Pepsi Blue flavor much better. I guess no one else did....they canceled it just liked the canceled TRIBES. (I know I need to let the Tribes thing go, but I didn't have any closure on the issue)
Today I thought I lost my College Dropout CD. That is what I get for neglecting it for months. I think I know where it is now.
My friend and her friends are coming over at 8 to film A Baby Story in my living room... once again, Izzo is gonna be on TV looking a fat, hot, mess.
i am who i am
1:36 AM
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I usually don't dislike people without a reason...but there is one person that is an exception. WHY!!!!
i am who i am
8:55 AM
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My damn horoscope has been on point all week. Here it is for today: You sink another notch deeper into your watery world of feelings and your attachments to the past. You have much to learn now from your own emotions and new ways in which they can connect you with what's most important in your life. Even with this serious overtone to the day, make sure to find some time for guilt-free play.
This week has been bittersweet. That is probably the only way I can describe it. Bitter for the events that previously took place but yet haunt me to this day. Sweet because God is so good; he has allowed me to have reasons to laugh and smile amid the river of tears. He has given me reasons, no matter how small to the outside world to feel the need to remain alive. For many people this may not be an issue, but for me it is. Timing is so important and everything happens for a reason. I truly do believe that even though there are many times that I have no idea. I also believe that we learn something from situation as well every individual we encounter.
I always seem to have a falling out with someone when I feel that I need them the most or at a time that fate finds it funny to rub it in your face, playing cruel jokes to remind you that this person is no longer in your life. This was my partner in crime. My ace. The person I'd ride or die for...no matter what. My nigga. My heart. The person who I told everything. I would never lie to him. I never could. He doesn't believe that. That hurts me more than 'the incident in question' ever could. I doubt he knows or cares how much I've cried, how much I miss him, how much I wish I this whole thing never happened or how much it took from me to write the letter that just told the truth. He doesn't care and he'll never know. But I stood up for myself and I'm very proud of that, even if it meant losing a friend. I don't do enough of that.
One thing I've learned or I should say is relearned is that no one cares about me or has my back like me and God. I'm never gonna forget him, but I'll never forget that either. For now the tears are back and I'm drowning in them and a big fat bottle of wine.
i am who i am
9:51 PM
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This was my horoscope for the day...
Even if you are the shy and quiet Cancer, you are more than inclined to tell someone what's on your mind now. This doesn't mean that you are going to blabber about whatever may come into awareness. Rather, this is an opportunity to very carefully think about what you will say, and more importantly about what you won't say. You have a purpose now. Use your communication skills to further your goals.
Ya'll just don't know how on point this is. I am exhausted so what has to be said will have to wait till tomorrow.
i am who i am
12:02 AM
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My best friend of 17 years is a mommy.
That is the most beautiful thing that I've witnessed in a long time.
i am who i am
2:51 PM
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Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe it is just me.
But don't fucking patronize me.
Save that shit for one of your clients or some one else. Not me.
I wish I dindn't care but the truth is that you probably know me better than anyone else I know. Even my 'best friends'.
I'm making myself physically sick. I need to stop. But this is bothering me cause I miss you.
Someone else is also making my sick and I wish it would stop.
i am who i am
1:01 AM
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A long time ago ...if I'm correct, before I even started this blog my computer 'fell'. I am assuming it fell because I stepped out of my room and left at least two other people in there. When I got back the monitor portion of my laptop was totally disconnected on the right side, yet no one knows what happened. It has been like this since I'd say August/September 2002. My warranty had run out and my computer still worked and I didn't have an money so repairing it was not really an option. I even asked about fixing it but when I describe the problem I get the same response. I would have to buy another laptop and take the screen off of that one to replace my broken one. I figure if I'm gonna do that I might as well just wait till I buy a new computer. This computer was a present form my Grammie and to this day I'm not even sure if she knows what happened. Well other than the physical handicap it was working fine ... until a few weeks ago. Now the screen gets all weird and scrambled and I cant see anything. I have to position the screen in a certain way to even see anything. I am so scared that it is going to just stop working one day. That would suck and I would cry. Boo hoo cry. My auntie told she may cancel the AOL because she has DSL and I damn near cried then. Lately especially when I don't feel all that hot my computer is my only friend. Lord what am I gonna do?
And I lost my stupid Direct TV remote and I missed A Different World @ 12. That is what I get for becoming addicted.
Well in spite of all that I can still read for entertainment.
i am who i am
1:51 AM
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Why am I so shocked. I should just be prepared for people to dissapoint me, disrespect me and or screw me over. I just thought this person was different. Then again I can think of a fairly recent incident when I thought that another person was different too. I expect too much from people. That is why I just stay away. Can't get hurt when you don't get close.
One of the several people who forgot my birthday acknowleged it a few days ago. At that point I didn't really care. Some people have still not said anything. I think they may just be embarrased. I guess I would be too.
i am who i am
11:16 PM
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I had a pretty good day today. I spoke to two of my best friends, Tahira and Stef. I was able to begin some cleaning I wanted to do in my room. I didn't finish but that is okay because I got a lot done so I'll finish the rest in the morning. My aunt is coming from Florida with my little cousins. I am happy that I had they energy to clean this place up (cause it looked a hot mess. I was looking for something so I ended up with stuff strewn all over the place) but I know that the kids are gonna want me to play and make cookies and a whole bunch of crap and I don't know if I'm gonna be up to that. Really this is the first time anyone in my family has seen me since I've 'been sick'. I'm fat...fatter than I was but other than that I'm the same. Only thing different is that I get a little tired some times and a have a few aches and pains I didn't have before. It just bothers me when I speak to my little brother or sister and they ask me how I'm feeling, cause they know I'm 'sick'. I don't think my little cousins know, which is good because I don't want them to treat me differently. I'm glad that they are coming but I'm also glad that they are leaving on Sunday. :)
This might be slightly surprising (because of what I studied in school) but I've never really been a TV person. Not as far as always watching. I'd have my shows that I watched (
I know ya'll I tired are hearing about my favorite show Tribes that no one remembers and was replaced by Mr. Belvedere!!!) but I was never a TV fanatic. Probably cause radio has always been my thing. Lately that has all changed. Now I have appointments with my TV. Of course we all know about my
A Different World obsession, but I've also found other shows to watch. One show that I try not to ever miss is
For Better Or For Worse. Has anyone seen this show on TLC? It is where your friends are given a $5,000.00 budget and 7 days to plan your wedding. I love that show. If I were in California and getting married anytime soon I'd want to be on it. I know who I want on my team too. Well my mom is number one because she would not let them screw me. I'd probably pick
Tahira and the third person I have a couple of choices. Check it out if you get a chance.
I doubt anyone wants to do this but if there is anyone who wants to ask me any questions feel free and I'll answer them on Friday night. Nothing is off limits but if I don't want the world to know the answer I'll just email if to you. So ask away.
i am who i am
12:45 AM
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I'm not sure what is going on in my neighborhood but I can hear a man and a woman having a violent and verbal argument about a cigarette. I guess she took his last one and he is extremely angry. He is stay things like " I'ma slap the shit outta you bitch." and "Get the fuck outta my face." All over a cigarette.
First of all who still smokes cigarettes in this day and age. They give you bad breath, make your clothes and hair stink and oh yeah they kill you. About two weeks ago I was walking on 42nd Street with my friend Keisha and we saw this really handsome man walking alongside of us. He was very attractive until he blew a nasty puff of smoke as he passed us. I think that smoking is one of the nastiest habits a person can have. I think I'd rather smoke a blunt before I ever smoke a cigarette.
i am who i am
1:14 PM
