Christmas was real nice. I'm glad I got to hang out with all my cousins.

It feels very good to be home in NY. I went shopping with Brooke on 34th cause she needed a large make up case. I think am hanging out with Keish tomorrow.
I love being home.

i am who i am
2:58 AM

Happy Holidays everyone.
I hope that we all remember the reason for the season today.
I'm back at my auntie's house in Kissimmee. I haven't really slept in about 3 days so I am exhausted. I hung out with my friend from high school yesterday. It was nice to see her. Of course I ran my mouth on the phone with the usual suspects. I surprised some of my A list with e cards ( Funny a lot of the A listers names begin with A) I didn't get to everyone cause ya'll know how it is when you gotta help out and cook and all that. I am going back home soon. I have no idea what this new year has in store for me, but I need a lot of money. I think I just may take the bartending course. I've been thinking about that for a long time.

Any how I hope everyone had a safe happy holiday spent with loved ones.

PS I need to utilize my IM more often.

i am who i am
10:42 PM

I feel bad about not being able to afford presents. I guess people gotta understand, I may not be able to afford school next semester. I can tell 2004 is going to have a rocky start. The only thing I want for Christmas is for someone to co sign on a loan for me. I guess that wish is too big.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza...
Peace, Love and Blessings to you all.


i am who i am
3:02 AM

There is nothing like listening to some Wu Tang and passing the Panasonic Jam Cam billboard. I was so good to be home even if for one day. I hate long drives. Mostly cause I don't do public bathrooms. Driving from NY to DC is cool but NY to Florida is not.

I feel bad cause I am ready to go back home. I love my mom and my brother and my sister but I cannot be confined to the house 24-7. I'm supposed to hang out with an old friend from HS and my ex boyfriend and his sister. We'll see. I miss Kwesi and Keisha and well other people I shouldn't care about.

I am excited about seeing my cousin Thea. That is one thing I have to look forward too.


i am who i am
2:39 PM

I like unconscious muttering.

1. Warning:: Who the hell is this paging me @ 5:46 in morning....
   
2. Aspirations:: dreams
   
3. Starvation:: anorexic
   
4. Lid:: jar
   
5. Sketch:: pencil
   
6. Interrogate:: police
   
7. Credit:: cards
   
8. Scotch:: bonnet pepper
   
9. Confused:: life
   
10. Paris::London
    

I know I was supposed to write more yesterday but as soon as I got in from work Angela called me to if I wanted to go
here and grab some drinks. So we went to Victoria's Secret, so she could get a New Year's outfit for her man, and then headed over there. I realized that my friend Kwesi lived nearby so I told him to come through too. We met some interesting folks and got free drinks. Basically the police came and shut the place down and kicked everyone out after a certain time. That was kinda strange. When we got to my dorm there was this guy who wanted a ride up the street cause he was homeless and was trying to get into a shelter. We gave him $7 , a ride, and a muffin I'd gotten from work. He was like I'm gay so ya'll ain't even gotta worry about me bothering ya'll. We told him we had weapons (which was not a lie) anyway so we ain't worried. ( I feel weird about typing the 'word' ain't not like I haven't before but I really shouldn't write like I speak, and I usually don't except for here)

In the morning I was pretty dizzy and I was in a lot of pain from the woman's illness. I had to call Clint and tell him I'd be a 1/2 hour late to my appointment, cause I had to lay down. My hair came out nice as usual. Clint says we are gonna work with my hair issues in the new year. I am excited about that. I need my hair to be in good condition. On top of the woman's illness I won't say that I have a cold, but I guess I do and I feel terrible. I keep trying to rest but I can't. I was chillin with Brandon and Stephany. I'm glad that they are happy with each other. Brandon is a good guy. I'm glad I introduced them. Stephany just came in and told me she broke my Kool Aid container. How I don't know...

I spoke to a friend from high school today. She just had a baby and her and her husband are gonna be moving to Philly sometime next year. I guess I am happy about going to Florida. FOR ONCE...My cousin Thea emailed me and said she was gonna be there and I haven't seen her in a while, so I'm looking forward to that. I want to see my friend and her baby and my ex boyfriend and his sister. I know I'll see them they live around the corner from my mom and I didn't know. I hope I can see my friend Basil too. So since I have people to see I guess I won't have a bad time. Plus I get to see my mom and I haven't seen her in a year. I'll also get to see my Auntie Liz's new house. I want to go home for New Year's though, but some how I doubt my mom is gonna go for that. She already wants me to take time off since I've been going through it emotionally. We shall see. I didn't get to speak to some of the people I was supposed to and honestly I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I don't know what is gonna happen next semester. Shit why the hell am I going through this and only have less than 15 credits to do. Well I can't even think about it, and I can't not think about it too long either. I need to get my shit together and go home so I can get this ride with my Uncle Victor on Friday/Saturday. I want to hang out with Brooke but I think I'll leave either tomorrow late or very early on Friday. I think early Friday may be better. I haven't packed shit. I'll do that tomorrow.

I've meaning to write about this guy I guess I 'talking' to. He is a friend of a friend and a friend's (hmnnn I don't know if that term is appropriate for her anymore, I guess we can use it for lack of a better one) ex boyfriend. He likes me. I think he is nice and my friend's ex boyfriend. LOL there is so much more to this story but this is one that as much as I don't give a fcuk is not for the internet. That might have to be a private one in my LJ.

Once I'm in Florida I don't know when or how often I'll be able to update. I hate being away from this thing. On the real sometimes it and the people who read are the only people that know what the hell is going on with me. Half of my real friends don't bother to call me for months at a time and ya'll read this shit everyday (or something like that ) and I love ya'll for that. Okay enough with the mushy shit... I'm gonna try to rest and take 4 more Alleve and some Tylenol cold.



I'm not surprised...


i am who i am
2:03 AM

I like my new layout. It makes me want to drink some hot chocolate green tea with honey and listen to holiday music. I probably really do need to drink some tea cause for the past 2 weeks or so I have been wearing my hair curly and when I do that I wash it at least every other day. ( I don't like the product buildup) So I've been going out with wet hair and now my damn throat hurts. SHAME ON IZZO...I have no one to blame but me if I get real sick, but I've been taking medicine and I'm going to see Clint tommorow.


The only thing I don't like is that it deletes my comments from before. I don't even think I read em all. I usually don't do this, but I have my archives on here. I usually don't want anyone I know to be reading all my back business. Since it is the holidays people are busy and don't have time to worry about me. I'm not talking about people I like and I consider my 'online friends' (for example if ya name is on my list of links) I'm refering to people that I really know that just wanna be nosy. BUt anyway since it is up take advantage of it. I guess it could be kinda interesting for some of you guys to see how some storylines in my life began. For instance check out the whack asses wannabe poem I wrote last November 20 about my munchkin. LOL I'm sooooo corny. Last year definately was wouldn't have been the same without him, or the bet, or my dorm family. Ahhh the memories. If you get a chance check them out, cause the will only be around for a limited time.

This weekend has been quite interesting. I went to a movie on Sunday with my friend Kwesi and my roommate. Of course she thinks he is so cool cause he is gonna be a lawyer and paid for our dinner. Her vote is easily bought. I also had some company on Saturday that I have to talk about later cause I gotta leave for work.

My friend Kwesi took a picture of me on his digital camera phone, I was gonna post it on here, but I think I will only give it to people I know that request it. I have more to say, so I'll be back later.

i am who i am
3:52 PM

BLUEBERRY CRISP
3 cups fresh blueberries
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup quick-cooking rolled oats
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Dash of salt
1/3 cup cold butter
Whipped Cream

Place berries in 2-quart square baking dish. Sprinkle with lemon juice.
In a medium bowl combine brown sugar, flour, oats, cinnamon, and salt. Using a
pastry blender, cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Sprinkle
oat mixture over berries. Bake at 375 degrees F
for 25 minutes or until topping is golden brown and berries are tender. Serve
warm with cream, if desired.

Serves 4 to 6.


i am who i am
1:15 PM

Ya know it must be a NY thing...
WTF is wrong with people wanting to stand all up on you in a nearly empty elevator. Yo I say it must be a NY thing cause I notice only New Yorkers get really fighting mad. I was so pissed I basically shoved that heifer out of my way. I'm gonna have to bring back the phrase 'BACK DA FUCK UP' (ya'll remember that) but in this case it was move the fuck up. I hate that shit.


Another thing that is starting to get to me is my job. I have a love hate relationship with little kids. I love the little girls. The problem is that they do not listen to me, they are rude to me and there is nothing that I can really do. I am only the assistant and they know that. It also doesn't help when my friend/boss ( she was my friend before she was my boss and she still is my friend) speaks harshly to me in front of the children and sometime the parents. For example today there was a sweater on the floor so I asked the little girl who was standing nearby if it was hers. Granted she is the star dancer who usually leaves early everyday so she always has to practice first, but I was just asking a question. My friend say just pick it up and move. She is one of those people that speaks to others in any old way when she is 'in the zone'. How can I expect the little kids to respect me if she doesn't. As soon as she leaves the room they start wildin out no matter what I do or say. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but she also told me that one of the parents asked her what was wrong with me because I was slow. WTF just because I ask questions, and make sure shit is clear before I start doing things. Of course she didn't tell me who said it (I have an idea of who I think it was) but she wanted me to know that the parents were talking. I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes ( like Friday when she kept rushing me to print packets for the meeting and I forgot to press collate) and I'll be the first one to tell you that I'm sensitive but I think sometimes she is quite rude.


I need to figure out is gonna happen with me next semester. I am not going to be getting financial aid and I'm not sure if I'm even going to be coming back but I hate not knowing what my next move is. So far here is rough list of what I have to for the rest of the week:
1. First Aid Exam
2. First Aid Paper
3. First Aid Make Ups
4. Speak to Dr. Ammons
5. Email BBDC Professor
6. Email Practicum Professor
7. Contact Communications Policy Professor
8. BWIA Paper 1
9. BWIA Paper 2
10. Gender Final
11. Speak to Comp. Blk Lit Prof
12. Apply for loan
13. Pack for Florida

I'm of to buy some Vivarin...It is gonna be a long night.

i am who i am
8:35 PM

I have always wondered this...
Has anyone ever gotten a Chia Pet?
I know that someone must be buying them cause they are still in business (since 1982). The first animal was a ram and now they have rabbits, bunnies, frogs, hippos, kittens, pigs, puppies, turtles, and Chia Head. They even have the herb garden (which is the only one I thought made any sense). If you or anyone you know has given or received a Chia product let me know. I was just in shock that they were still around.

Also does anyone keep up with Average Joe? Tonight is the two hour finale. I didn't really keep up as much as I wanted to. No I'm hearing that the last Average guy is a millionaire???? How come there are so many millionaire floating around lately? Where can I find one?

i am who i am
8:22 PM

I have been too tired to write anything. I'm okay. Thanks to my friends Katina, Kwesi,Keisha (my old roommate) and Kathy. Thanks also to everyone who emailed me and left me messages. It comes and goes like right now I feel fine, but some times I just get overwhelmed. I spoke to the dean and e said that I cannot withdraw from everything. ( The deadline passed) So instead he told me to try to talk to my professors about getting an incomplete. The first professor I went to sent me to the counseling center. I was there for like 2 1/2 hours. I had to sign all these papers and contracts saying I would not kill myself. Two of my professors said that I could take the final. One I have an appointment to talk to on Tuesday and the rest I'm still working on. I also spoke to my mom. She just made me feel bad and said that trying to kill myself was setting a bad example for my brother and sister.
One thing that has really been bothering me is that some people that I really care about have not been helpful or supportive or understanding in the least bit. It bothers me cause these are people I place in high priority. That hurts.

I think that my answering machine broke. That is not cool. I guess that is on my Christmas list.

I just ate but I'm still hungry. I made stuffed shells herb chicken and salad. Maybe I just need dessert.

I washed my hair and didn't do anything to it so now it is a curly frizzy mess.

I know that that "I Love The Way You Move" girl had to have had one of these. I want one.

Are ya'll feeling The Tracey Morgan Show? I still don't know.

I have a headache and I'm just rambling on but before I go...
Here are this week's Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Blizzard:: hot tea
   
2. J:: K
   
3. Control:: Janet Jackson
   
4. Blood:: Period
   
5. Mysterious:: dark
   
6. Annoying:: laugh
   
7. Throat:: sore
   
8. Condom:: dick
   
9. Search:: google
   
10. Heartfelt:: kiss
    

i am who i am
8:49 PM

audio post powered by audblog

So that is what is going on today. Last night was really bad. I probably shoulda gone to the hospital cause I was really wildin out. I'm trying handle everything in the best way I know how. But everyone is gonna be disapointed in me. Don't worry I'm trying to be okay.

i am who i am
10:36 AM

Okay so I'm listening to the original version of 'Through The Wire'(the one where his jaw is really wired up and he mumbles), sitting here wondering what the hell I'm gonna do. My life is a wreck. I'm too old to be going through this. All I'm doing is wasting money and disapointing my family. Why is it that I decided to come back to school? I had a nice job at a nice radio station. Now all I have is mad debt and terrible grades. I have so many things to do and I don't know where to start, so I sit here and cry and not do anything. Maybe there is something wrong with me and I can never be a functioning adult. Suicide is a fucking option everyday, but I gotta stop thinking like that. My life is supposed to have some great purpose, but right now I feel like the biggest failure with a whole lot of debt.

i am who i am
8:44 AM

As requested by Ms Boogie here is the recipe I sorta followed. I used turkey sausage, left over jerk chicken, and 1/2lb shrimp so I think it added up to about 2lbs. of meat. Most of my friends do not eat meat so next time I may just use veggie sausage and crumble, and omit the broth. Another option is to just use mixed veggies like broccoli, carrots, and cabbage. You can make it anyway you want using what you like.

1 1/2 pounds hot turkey sausage
3 stalks celery, chopped
1 onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
3 cloves garlic, pressed
1 (14.5 ounce) can Italian-style diced tomatoes, undrained
2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1 1/2 cups uncooked long-grain white rice
1 bay leaf
2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning


1 Grill or fry sausage until almost cooked through. Drain and set aside. When cooled, cut into bite-size pieces.
2 In a large skillet combine the celery, onion, bell pepper, garlic, tomatoes, broth, rice, bay leaf and seasoning. Mix well and bring to a boil over medium high heat.
3 Reduce heat to medium low and add sausage. Cover and simmer until rice is tender, about 40 to 45 minutes

If you are really pressesd for time and really have a craving you can always pick up one of these. They are pretty good and you just have to add meat, veggies, or crumble.

My candied yams were good too. Those are real easy. Everything is pretty much by eye and by taste, so there are no measurement. You can use the canned yams. About two cans is good. ( If you use fresh maybe about four cooked and peeled ones) Drain them and lay them in a baking dish. Sprinkle a handful of raisins on them if you don't like raisins you can leave them out or use dried cranberries. You also need a can of pineapple chunks. Drain off half of the liquid and pour the rest in with the yams. Add cinnamon, nutmeg (not too much), about 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla, 1/3c brown sugar, and mix in. Then just cut up a 1/2 a stick of butter (just dot the butter on the top). Bake on 350 for about 20 minutes or until most of the liquid is absorbed. Cover the top with marshmallows and bake until they melt NO MORE THAN 5 MINUTES. Very quick and easy. Wow I never told anyone how I make them before. I must love ya'll or sumthin.

If you try them let me know.




i am who i am
12:29 PM

WHINER:
You pour out your heart to your weblog, dwelling in
depression and misery. Sadness and oppression,
that's the way of the world. SIGH.


What kind of blogger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Ah I guess this is sorta true...I bitch a lot. I know.

So I stayed here to try and get some work done and I all I did was spend a whole bunch of money, get aggrivated, feed greedy MFs, and waste time. I didn't get not one thing done that I was supposed to. Not one. Now how the hell am I gonna rectify this situation in one day? It is not gonna happen.

Oh well I did make some good assed food; candied yams, greens, jambalaya, maccaroni and cheese, cornish hens, stuffing... yeah the food was good if nothing else.

i am who i am
6:41 AM