I am not in a good mood right now.
Things are not that bad so I guess I shouldn't complain but I feel bad. I am sad about a whole bunch of things. I am sad about how things ended up with Mike. I am sad that even though I am winning the bet, that I do not have the ability to lose even if I want to or not. I hate that the only person that I really had a crush on here is someone
1. whose name I never really knew until last Saturday
2. whose name evokes such strange responses
3. who I have the oppourtunity to know now ( thanks to BlackPlanet notes and my drunkend decision to write and say hi) but ...
4. I won't ever have the chance to get to know for myself because of
a. my need to keep the peace. I don't wanna be responsible for conflict.
b. my own fear that he is as terrible as everyone says and finding that out first had and having no one to cry too about it because they'd all
say "We told you Izzo. You stupid for even talking to him, it isn't like you didn't know."
5. who actually wrote me back twice and I wish that I could...would...respond to
I am sad that Malik went out. I am mad that I even care. I am sad that no one likes me, loves me etc...... I am sad that I am wasting my money and mother's cause I didn't go to class today. I'm sad that I'm fat. I'm sad that I have no one to talk to and that I have to resort to typing cause whenever I call the few people on this planet that I actually wanna speak to they are busy or not at home.
I am not in a good mood right now.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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YEAH RIGHT...


i am who i am
10:19 PM

Anyone remember that song 'Head Over Heels' by Allure...the remix with Nas. It is stuck in my head.
The internship is going pretty well except for the fact that I have to be there at 9 every morning and I can't seem to get to bed before at least 1. Today was pretty busy. I went to work and got told I was the head intern, then had to book guests and take care of some office stuff. Tomorrow I am meeting up with the producer I'm gonna be workign under. He was actually one of my favorite professors (and most knowledgable too) We are gonna talk about my responsiblities.
I hung out with Sadia a lot today too. We had a very cute conversation about our 'number' and what counts towards that # and what doesn't....
Of course I hung out with Malik( who I was just looking for) He wanted to make chilli but I was watching American Idol ( VOTE FOR FRENCHIE.....HU BABY) so we ended up going out with Kimmie for pizza. And guess what he bought mine. How sweet. He said he owed me. He taped something he wanted me to see and we were supposed to watch it but if I don't see him in the next 15 minutes I'm going to bed.
PS I just downloaded 'Head Over Heels'...yay

Schoolgirl


What's your sexual appeal?
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i am who i am
2:11 AM

Things have been going pretty well lately. I finally got an internship and turned in my paperwork to the practicum director. I really like the lady that I'm working with. She is cool and so are the other interns. Things are really hectic. I have been skipping French. I have to figure out if I'm gonna drop it or not, but I bought the damn $97 book. I really don't wanna get behind in my classes cause I'm doing the internship and working on the weekends. Whew...
Things with Malik are well interesting. He let me prelisten to his new mixtape which I think is very good. But last night ...or early this morning I was very tired to fully critique it and I think he felt a little mad. I ended up feeling bad and to make a long story short, I ended up telling that since he cannot call me his friend that I should start treating him like someone who isn't my friend. That last all day until he told me that he loved me and we needed to stop fighting. I can't be mad at him for very long. He makes me laugh, we have fun together ( we spent 2 1/2 hours at the supermarket yesterday...playing around and getting excited over new stuff ) we cook together (he made me turkey burgers yesterday and I made spicy potatoe wedges) , and I am always smiling when I am with him. No matter what he says I am his friends and I do love him and he knows it. Okay that was really mushy.
On another note the whole thing about the dude that I really thought was cute that Ange hates has gotten worst and it is my fault. That is all I have to say about that
PS Watch American Idol

i am who i am
8:06 AM

I just wrote a whole long thing about how my weekend went and it got deleted before I could publish it...
so here is a condensed recap.
Friday night....I had a nightmare about the HBO thing that Malik was scared of.
Saturday night....Party with Ange, drank a lot, came back to the dorm and found out that the only person that I have ever really liked at HU is Ange's worst enemy.
Sunday...hung over watched the Super Bowl and denied the rumor of Jay Z being dead......
Whoa what a weekend. Today is gonna be crazy too I just feel it.

i am who i am
9:11 AM

The past few days have been ultimately uneventful. Hopefull I got an internship today ....I have to go back on Monday to find out where. Thank God that is one less thing that I have to worry about. I still have not been feeling well, but we all know why. A couple of days ago I had a very strange dream I guess is what you could call it for lack of a better word but I was not asleep. Maybe the word vision would be bettter. I was chillin with Malik and I am not sure where we were or what we were doing. Then I fell but I fell like through a hole and I kept falling ang falling. Any ideas on what that means?
Last night I fell aleep in his room so I guess you can say technically we slept together but all we did was sleep. He did cover me in the middle of the night cause I was cold. I just left him him sleeping a few minutes ago. He was afraid of this HBO America Undercover special about autopsies so I was talking to him until he fell asleep. He told me that he was with his ex today and that yesterday was their anniversary...well it would have been. It seems to me that he should try to work things out, but of course these ex situations are always more complicated than they seem. When I asked him why he didn't think there was hope he said " You can't make a leopard change its spots." As he lay with his head in my lap all I could think of was there was nothing that I could do to make him feel better, and that made me sad.
PS How come no one visits and leaves me anymore shout outs...that also makes me sad.

i am who i am
1:16 AM

I still have not been feeling well. I missed school today. I have not been sleeping either. I have been chillin with Malik alot though and like I said on Monday I am really getting too attached to him and that is scaring me. I know myself and I also know that I cannot deny myself of the plesures four doors away. As I sit here eating the chicken that he made tonight since I was sick I wonder how this is all gonna turn out.

i am who i am
10:01 PM

Today I have lots of errands to run so i am not going to class. Today I am paying bills and buying books and making appointments. BLAH. I didn't get much sleep last night. I went to bed at 5. Too many thoughts were haunting me, and LAUNCH was playing some really good stuff. I still don't feel well today. It is my period...I didn't even realize it was about that time (guess who did) I wish it would just hurry up and come and I hope it is not as bad as it was last month. Enough about that, I've gotta run.

i am who i am
2:06 PM

What the hell is going on in life.....
I have no idea. Lately have not been feeling like being bothered. I had a nice convo with Kara about that. She always makes me feel better. So does Malik...I am becoming too emotionally attached to him. Don't get me wrong we are still just friends but like I said I'm geting to emotionally attached to his annoying rude ass. We went to the supermarket yesterday and the whole way there he had his arm around me. Then on the way back he carried all the groceries and I know it was heavy cause we bought two boxes of juice and two gallons of water. Then he helped me take all the sutff downstairs ( and got mad when Ethos was helping me...and he asked Ethos if he was trying to move in on his girl...I told him he shouldn't have said that cause Ethos already thinks I'm doing 'things' with you) and then he did some thing to make me mad. I just gave him some food a little while ago but we didn't eat together cause he had company....I have no expectations from him, but I am afraid of this new attachment that I'm feeling.
Mike has been on my mind too and that has me really sad. (My friend Kimmie just came in to talk...she's mad at Malik too. I feel for him cause mad people don't like him and if he keeps treating the people that are his friends shitty then he won't thave them either.) Yeah what was I saying...Mike. Norma called me twice this weekend. I called her once to see how she was but then he called on the other line and she called me back today. I am so through with him but at the same time I do do still love him and miss him a whole lot. I think part of the reason that have been partially pissed is due to Valentines Day and the fact that last year at this time is when he and I really stopped talking due to the fact that he did not call me to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. Who knows ...maybe it will be better this year.
PS.Speaking of Kimmie I am curious to know the basis of their friendship but we all know good girls never tell, and Kimmie's a good girl.


i am who i am
1:51 AM

I stole this from my boy Ethos' page.
---> Name:Zoe
---> Birth date: 07-02-19??
---> Birthplace: Brooklyn NY
---> Current Location: Washington, DC
---> Eye Color: dark brown
---> Hair Color: black
---> Right or Lefty: righty
---> Zodiac Sign: Cancer baby
---> Innie or Outtie: Innie

// series two - describe

---> Your heritage: Half Trinidadian and Ivorian
---> The shoes you wore today: pink fuzzy slippers
---> Your hair: being braided as we speak
---> Your weakness? Too nice, procrastination, paying too much attention to thinks that don't matter
---> Your fears: No one really cares and not accomplishing my goals
---> Your perfect pizza: chicken supreme pizza or just a regular NY slice from Gino's
---> One thing you'd like to achieve: Write my screenplay

// series three - what is

---> Your most overused phrase on aol\aim: LOL
---> Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it?
---> The first feature you notice in the opposite (or same) sex: eyes, arms...just good looks in general
---> Your best physical features: pretty eyes and dimples
---> Your bedtime: somewhere between 12a - 5a
---> Your greatest accomplishment: Getting into HU, learning to love me in spite of whoever does not

// series five - do you

---> Smoke: no
---> Cuss: yeah
---> Sing well: no but too bad cause I wrote a whole bunch of songs
---> Take a shower everyday: oh yes sometimes twice
---> Like high school: HELL NO
---> Want to get married: Very badly
---> Type with your fingers on the right keys: I try
---> Believe in yourself: for the most part
---> Get motion sickness: yes
---> Think you're attractive: I'm okay I could use some improvement
---> Think you're a health freak: No
---> Get along with your parents: Mom...yeah Dad...who?
---> Like thunderstorms: sometimes
---> Play an instrument: used to play the piano a long time ago

// series six - in the past month, did/have you

---> Drank alcohol: YEAH
---> Smoke(d): No
---> Done a drug: no
---> Made Out: no
---> Gone on a date: no
---> Go to the mall?: no
---> Been on stage: no
---> Been dumped: no
---> Gone skating: no
---> Made homemade cookies: yes
---> Been in love: no
---> Gone skinny dipping: no
---> Dyed your hair: no
---> Stolen anything: no

// series seven - have you ever?

---> Played a game that required removal of clothing?: Yep...
---> If so, was it mixed company:yes
---> Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: LOL yes
---> Been caught "doing something": no
---> Been called a tease: yes
---> Gotten beaten up: not exactly
---> Shoplifted: no
---> If so, did you get caught: n/a
---> Changed who you were to fit in: no

// series eight - the future

---> Age you hope to be married: 28...I hope
---> Numbers and Names of Children: 1...I have a who list
---> Describe your Dream Wedding: elegant
---> What do you want to be when you grow up: writer, producer, record exec, a lot of things
---> What country would you most like to visit: Japan
---> Current Clothes: red tank top and red booty shorts
---> Current Mood: aggravated
---> Current Taste: green tea
---> Current Annoyance: don't wanna disclose
---> Current Smell: Gingerbread Glade oil
---> Current thing you ought to be doing: sleeping
---> Current Desktop Picture: a tropical beach
---> Current Favorite Groups: not sure
---> Current Book: textbooks
---> Current Movie In Player: n/a
---> Current Worry: school
---> Current Crush:none ...unless ya count Malik and i don't have a crush on him...I don't think

i am who i am
4:57 AM

Yesterday was interesting. It snowed a little. Not enough for a snow day. I was so tired cause I went to bed at 6. I was falling asleep in First Aid so I left before French. Later that night I went to Sadia's get together. I finally met two people that I've heard a lot about. I really didn't wanna go but I'm glad that I did. The only thing is that I drank like maybe ten glasses of wine. My mood has just been very BLAH...
Thank you Kara for changing my font and giving me this cute layout.
As far as things with that boy down the hall, we haven't really spoken that much. That may be contributing to my mood. When I did speak to him he pissed me off so I don't know what is up with that.

i am who i am
11:20 AM

Love melts the opposition. Now you get to make the rules. Others will like this. My horoscope for the 16th.

i am who i am
3:21 AM

It is really hurtful to me when someone says that I am being phony or fake when I care so much that I can't help but show it.
My feeling are completely genuine and true and if you have a problem with someone saying that they care about you then fuck you. You are not worth it and I'm sorry that I wasted my time and energy on it.
I don't know whyI can't change the font...and I can't find my archives from November.....mnnn

i am who i am
4:51 AM

In addition to my ethernet access being revoked...I cannot seem to log on to check my AOL. I AM REALLY PISSED ABOUT THAT. I guess I gotta get on the phone with them tonight. I was up prety late last night with Angela, Marcus and Kimmie, just chillin. I didn't feel well this morning and I missed my hearing test that are making me take for a class. I have been going all day. One good thing is that I have money for books now so I'm gona try to get that damn French one so that I can study for the quiz on Tuesday. I would like to get my hair done tommorow too, but I guess we'll see. I hate being so disconnected from the world.
PS This is the first time that I have been to the iLab and I havent seen Sadia. Her party is tomorrow...I think I'm still going, I'm not sure who else is coming with me though.
Anyway...later.

i am who i am
5:57 PM

Okay well I feel better than I did earlier. The damn ethernet still is down in my room so now I'm in the computer lab in my dorm. I can't take this...I need to be on my little purple, broken, laptop in my room. I have been going through alot emotionally in the past few days. I just have been out of it. It is weird I have all of these good intentions and my mind is motivated but I am not being productive. I really really need to find this internship. I can't afford to be here in the Fall too and if I don't get it that is what will happen. My feelings about the boy down the hall are ....weird now. I don't know why. I like him but I don't but...it is crazy. Anyway they talking about closing the damn lab. They need to leave this shit open all night since we don't have internet in our rooms. This is so not cool.

i am who i am
11:54 PM

I was coming to bitch about how my French proffesor hates me but I saw my pretty new colors so now I'm happy...er... happier than was. Our dorm network is down so I am in the iLab sitting next to Sadia ( who apperntly now lives in here...HAHAHA) Things have been okay. I still don't have any money for books and that is now affecting French as well as CPR. I guess I'm not good at launguages. I have a job now ....doing some night and weekend filing and office type work. It is not everyday though. I still don't have an internship and everyone I like always likes my friends better. I'm not in a good mood.

i am who i am
4:29 PM

Sell who you are, not what you do. Anyone with imagination knows how to use you. This is my horoscope for today....interesting.

How Emotional Are You?
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i am who i am
2:01 PM

Gonna try to be slightly productive today. I got a little mad last night cause I was chillin with Malik and Keisha and Trisha come knocking on his door. I don't go looking for Keisha when she goes doing what ever she does. I don't really go anywhere but to class so if I go 'visit' (it is only 4 doors away) him for a little while I really don't see the problem with that. I understand that everyone is used to having me all to themselves or there when ever they wanna be bothered with me but that I don't feel was fair to me cause on top of that my phone ringed at the same time and he said he was going to sleep. Other than that things are okay. Still no money for books.

i am who i am
12:25 PM

DAMN ....who told them

i am who i am
10:35 AM

It's getting hot in herre....and I'm trying to to keep on all my clothes...(and my mouth closed too)
Sadia and Ethos just may have a chance to win the bet after all...Damn. My main focus is supposed to be school and God but that is kinda difficult when you have something large and hard pressing up on ya, you are being asked to dance while R.Kelly, Prince, and Anita Baker are playing in the background loudly enought to drown out any incriminating sounds. What the neighbours must have thought last nighth God please help me because I am having lustful thoughts and am comptemplating acting on them. We even talked about the pros and cons. I am still sticking to my first assesment...He won't do it. But damn it is gonna be really close. Sadia if you read this either call of email me or sign the shout out box cause we have to talk.
On a less freaky note ....Allen jsut apoplogied to me for being an ass...I'm not even sure if he knows what he did but I think that wa very brave of him to approach me, cause Izzo can be a bitch sometimes to. I'm gonna try to forget what he did and how he acted and give him a fair chance.
PS School is going okay...no money for books though.

i am who i am
10:00 AM

Unlock your potential. Ride an upward spiral. Great mysteries are answered here.
That was my horoscope for today, and I don't know what the hell it means.
BUT I HAD THE BEST DAY EVER!
First of all I went to bed at 4 and didn't think I'd wake up for my class at 8. Keish, Ethos, and my cuz woke me. I got to class on time and I got a seat. (There are over 150 people in that class) I saw someone I knew. I came home and talked to my grandma. We didn't argue. I went back to class....first aid and CPR. The class in itself excites me. I ran into someone I met briefly at a conferencein that class. I saw Sadia and she is just so adorabe...you can't be mad or sad with her. Then I went to French which is taught by a grad student who is just trying to get his PhD = EASY. And plus I've been wanting to learn French for the longest. He let us out very early so I came back to the dorm and who do I see standing in the driveway...
MALIK!!!!!!!!
I was already having a great day but that made it better. This semester is gonna be very eventful.
On top of all of that I have come to the desicion to not give up on May graduation. It really is not in my hands anymore but I won' t give up on my end. until I have to.
Nothing can change the way I feel right now...Thank you Jesus. I really needed one of these days.

i am who i am
7:36 PM

It seems like no reads this anymore...
Anyway that is not really why I write.
My mind is constantly consumed with the fact that I have lost something, something that was never mine in any capacity to begin with. Everytime someone knocks on my paper thin door, my heart sinks when is not who I hope it is. Watching Midnight Love is not the same. Maybe just maybe...
I saw Sadia today...God bless her.
The first day of the semester is tomorrow. I am so not ready.


i am who i am
11:55 PM

So I'm happy to be back in my lil dorm room. No one is really back yet except for Jersey. I''m just sitting here chillin like I don't have anything to do and listening to Tiffany on my LAUNCHCAST. I really missed my Launch. Speaking of Tiffany, the other night I saw this show on VH1...I love the 80. I was so happy. To make it better then I called Malik and he was watching it too. Damn he never answers me when I ask if he is coming back so I think the answer is no and being here is making that real. Is it possible to become so attached to someone within such a short period of time? DAMN everytime I meet someone that I really click with something happens.
I just feel very alone right now. Maybe it is the Malik thing ...or maybe the fact that I have no sheets on my bed who knows. It maybe the fact that I'm failing school and I have no man. I saw my ex boyfriend online I didn't care...That has not happened in 6 years. I still dont't have a coat, (I still want the one one from the Fabolous video) as a matter of fact I didn't really get much clothes over the vaccation. Unless you count bras...$80 ( and all of my big booded friends out there know that is only 3 or 4 bras)
My friend Angie form back home birthday is Thursday. I gotta send her something....I'm broke.


i am who i am
12:08 AM

What Element Are You?
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i am who i am
12:39 AM

Today was okay. Spent most of it sleeping. (Yes every now and then I do that) so I wasted most of the day. My whole time here has been that, time wasted. I didn't really get to spend time with my mom or brother and now I'm leaving tomorrow. Yup. My mom is driving me to Orlando so that I can hop a ride with my auntie back to school. Unfortunately I feel a little like Harry Potter in that school is kinda my home in this displaced world. Even still I don't even feel at home there.
I have a slight headache, I think I have an ear infectionand my eyes hurt from crying for an hour. My sadness stems from watching sad horrific true stories adapted into movies, lack of self will and motivation and not being able to contact the two people I actually want to talk to.

i am who i am
10:21 PM

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
I spent mine in church. Spoke to God...
I have a lot of goals for the new year. I already know that this year is not gonna be very easy but I am ready.
I'm slightly disapointed that only two of my friends have actually been keeping in touch with me, and no one ever comments on this thing. I FINALLY spoke to Malik today. God I love him. He is so funny and he makes me laugh. We were watching the I Love The 80s marathon on VH1...(I'm still watching it with my brother) Malik is so cool, cause we are so here (I'm doing the little eye pointing thingie) I don't think I've clicked with another person this well since the summer of 89 ...Amanda Perry. ( IF YOU GET THAT ...THEN YOU MUST KNOW A WHOLE LOT ABOUT ME!) I can talk to him or about him for hours, and it is not like a sex thing. I just love him as a person. He makes me smile. I didn't get to talk to him for too long but I don't think he is coming back to school. I'm really gonna miss him if he doesn't. It is weird because I think that his opinion of who I really am is not quite accurate and that does bother me. I guess there isn't much I can honestly do about that now.
Right now I need to find an internship and get things together for the new year.
P.S. Everyone has a new layout...I'm jealous...just kidding

i am who i am
12:28 AM