Well yesterday was slightly better. Thanks La for caring about me.
I went to Dr. Jackson, it wasn't too bad and left me very drained. So I came home and slept. Today is Ethos (my little brother across the hall) birthday. I am broke but I think I'll make the Chicken Fettuccni Alfredo and some brownies that I have already and just share with him. That is as good as I can do.
I got the Comm Policy paper done yesterday (I was up @ 3 and finishes @9....procrastination even at the last minute) I have to do a preentation on the paper on Wednesday. No other big assignments...other than the weekly Brain & Behavior quiz on Thursday. I may be going out with some friends of mine I met through a group I was in. I am kinda looking forward to that. I need to see my damn guidance counselor...that damn bitch is never in her office. I hope that I can graduate in May. I should be able to, if I ever see this lady. Anyway...later.

i am who i am
6:29 AM

Yesterday was bad...
Suicidal thoughts bad...
I hope that today is better. So far I'm VERY tired. I've been up since 3, (went to bed at 10) writing a paper. I am totally broke except for the $5 in my bank account. I still want sushi and the coat. I cleaned and washed, but didn't finish putting the clothes away so the place looks like I haven't done anything. Thanks for trying to make me feel better Sadia...I had to endup putting my $10 that I found on a card to dry my clothes. I'm off to Social Psych. Maybe I'll make some Chicken Fettuccni Alfredo...or Rice A Roni when I get back..I am really hungry.
Damn I have Dr Jackson today so that means I'm just gonna be in a worst mood later on....bummer.

i am who i am
12:00 PM

Things have not been that great....
I am being unproductive....
I'm lonely but not exactly alone..
I miss him....
I'm pathetic...

i am who i am
9:04 AM

I had a test today in Social Psychology. I'm not sure how I did. I still have that case to do for Communications Policy. It is due on Monday. At least I have one now.
I just have to write the damn thing. I still need to clean my room. Maybe I'll find my ID card. (I hope so cause it is 15 dollars to replace it.)
I miss him a great deal....maybe I'm just lonely.

i am who i am
3:10 PM

I forgot to mention that I am BROKEN...I have $5.44 in my account...

i am who i am
10:41 AM

This week has just been terrible. I've been taking small naps and attempting to stay up all night and work. It is not really working. I haven't been to Media and Psychology, and I think Sadia is mad because I haven't turned in our project. Right now I'm missing Brain and Behavior... I just need a D in that class. It is that bad. I am trying to do too many things at once. I have a test in Social Psych tomorrow...I need another A, I need an A in that class and Comparative Black Lit. I kinda just need to pass my classes. I still have not applied for this loan thing. I just got finished talking to my mom and she doesn't want me to take out a private loan, she wants to do another parents loan....I really dont want that but i dont think she will cosign for me if i don't at least find out how much her payment is going to be increased. I just wanna scream. I had a bad dream last night. I'm still afraid. I wish I had someone to hold me. My room is a mess. I haven't been to the gym and I feel like a big assed blob.
I guess I should be getting ready for Political Science...which I am not doing well in.
I am not sure what I'm gonna be doing for Thanksgiving...I guess that is something to look forward to.

i am who i am
10:38 AM

Okay so I didn't wake up at 4...I am really exhausted and got no work done.

i am who i am
8:52 AM

LOL...Okay I'm my usual self now.
Homecoming was overall a big waste this year...but I made the best of it. I still ache from being trampled all the way to LL's limo on Friday. That is a really long story. My hair is finished and now it is time to get down to business. Mondays really suck. I still need to see my advisor cause she is messing up my stuff... There is the job fair this week...and I still am not done doing the instructions for the board game. This week is strictly for catching up on school.
I miss all my friends who somewhat understand my crazy ass...Tahira, Chenell,Kara...most of all RYAN... This is his last year of law school and I know that he is having a hard time. His girlfriend is crazy too, I hope he got rid of her cause she is probably causing him extra stress. And I miss Kathy cause I don't see her online that much anymore...I guess she should be having this baby really soon...and my cousin Thea...and Sadia cause she was away all weekend (yeah she is still in love) That is everyone...no and La my new friend...okay that is everyone I'm thinking of right now. I've gotta wake up @4 to read...so later.

i am who i am
12:08 AM

First off let me say that I'm drunk off my ass. LOL ....No kidding.
I love HU. Sometimes I forget why I decided to come here. I hate financial aid...my dorm, but I love being here. For those of ya' ll that don't know there is only one real HU! Ya'll know 1867.
Let me shout out my peeps of DST for putting it down at the Step Show. Also my girls of SGRho... ya'll beat out AKA. WHOA! I was reppin NYC on the Yard today... I ran into my girl Steph, I ain't seen her in ages. Kream I think ya boy Twista was out there. If it was the same one...is he from Chi-town? Keisha's ass really cannot hold her liquor. She is down the hall trying to fuck this one nigga... and then why she tell this one dude to come to my room to wait for her. She is so fucking fast...(I guess she can never read this shit LOL...Her ass fell on the yard 3 times already.) Well I'm about to see whose one the AOL, and then hit up another party...No Dream though...It is TOO EXPENSIVE.
Too bad none of my real heads couldn't come out... Tahira, Kream...you guys missed out. Next year I'm gonna be out here too.

i am who i am
8:17 PM

Yesterday was pretty bad. I hate my TV directing class. I did go to the comedy show which cheered me up a little. I wrote on here Monday night but I dont't see what I wrote. I spoke to my exboyfriend briefly online. (If anyone wants to read the IM let me know) The dumbest thing he has ever said is that he thought I hated him...yeah right.
My hair is still not braided. She had someones hair to yesterday, and she didn't start on Monday because I had to meet with my group. My red gladdes are breaking now too. Damn I need to hurry up and get this loan. Today I overslept for all of my classes. PATHETIC! But I didn't really sleep that well all weekend, especially Monday night.
I found a coat that I want online, but I still need a lot of stuff, like new friends, new family, and to listen to my Launchcast Radio.


i am who i am
3:39 PM

I woke up to clean my room and look at me online. I still need to wash and blow out my 'nappy' hair. Keisha is gonna be back today. I really enjoyed her being gone. Is that bad? Oh well who cares. This week is gonna be stressful I can sense it already. Midterms and projects are here, so I actually have to begin to do work. It's homecoming and since it is my last year and I've never gone to any events I have to make an appearance at a few. Then my cousin might come on Thursday to visit. Oh and did I mention papers, projects and midterms...oh yeah, but they were worth saying again. So it is gonna be hectic...
I don't know how but I want to put links of all my friend's pages on mine...somebody help me, please. And I want a pretty font too. I need to jsut sit down and figure it out one day.
PS MY LAUNCHCAST RADIO IS STILL WORKING REALLY GOOD...EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE.

i am who i am
8:23 AM

I don't have that much to say tonight...I was in the iLab for hours working on a project that is due on Tuesday at 8 AM with Sadia. My mom called me, but of course when I called her back she didn't have time to talk. My Launchacast Radio is working really well tonight. My friend Tahira has a blog now too.
I took out my braids so my head looks like a big fro. I have to wash and blow it out. And I still have to clean my room...and I have to meet back up with the group @ 11. On top of all of that I'm supposed to be getting my hair rebraided tomorrow when Keisha gets back.
PS I need a new coat...I want a pea coat.

i am who i am
1:26 AM

I'm so tired...I was supposed to go to the gym, but when I was changing I begin to feel ill so I came home. When I got here I fell asleep in Ethos' room across the hall. I was tellling them about the craziest dream that I had last night. Some one took over our dorm. Fell asleep with the TV on HBO...I think Toy Soilders with Sean Astin must have come on because it was kinda like that. I am still tired. I think I'm gonna take a short nap and wake up and study for Brain & Behavior. I spoke to my Social Psych teacher and he took my paper even though it is late. Wish me luck on the test.

i am who i am
9:48 PM

Consequences look like rewards. There's no need to explain it if it works for you.
That was my horoscope yesterday...it speaks volumes for me right now.
Today..or technically yesterday was both good and bad. I had a really bad day at school, but then I productive and studied for a few hours with Sadia. Then we had Chinese ...we don't spend that much time together...especially now that she has found the man of her dreams. She loves to talk about him and I love seeing my friend happy. So that was good. Then I heard an angelic voice that I haven't heard quite some time. So aside from that class the day was good.
PS And I spoke to Tahira too while I was at the computer center studying. (my best friend) I gave her my blog address. I hoep she reads it...I hope I didn't say anything bad about her ...I already apologized for if I did but it is probably how I felt at the moment.
I am so tired ... can we say midterms...I may be scarce for a few days, or maybe not (CAN THIS THING COME UP WITH SPELL CHECK)

i am who i am
1:42 AM

I am so tired....I have class at eight today. not much sleep last night. I guess my mother has disowned me because she hasn't called. Went to Dr. Jackson yesterday and cried the whole time. I went to the gym after that. I want to go again today but I don't think that I can I am exhauted, and I have class until five. ( maybe I can go after) Can you believe that someone wrote a paper on how obesity cause asthma in women and told me that I inspired them. First of all I am not obese, overweight yes, but obese no. Second, I've had asthma since I was a child so....I don't think that the individual thought so but I felt that that was a rude thing to say. One of my aunts just called to see if I waas okay... she saw somethig disturbing on the TV. I gotta finish something for Media and Psych.

i am who i am
7:16 AM

I'm back at school after 3 buses. My feet are so swollen. People do all types of crazy things in the name of love. I guess this was just one of mine. Overall the trip was succesful and we found a very cute apartment of Revere Beach. I think he is gonna like it. He didn't want to stay with his cousin in Needham. (He doesn't really know her that well and she is on the Jewish side of his family) She is one of the sweetest and kindest persons I've met in a long time. She gave us a wonderful tour of Boston and opened up her home to us. She wouldn't let me pay for anything. She also knows the manipulation games that my exboyfriend's mother plays. I met for the first time at Passover seder the first time and she was jsut as sweet. He hope that he gets to know her while he is living there.
I only spoke to him once but I was a little upset so all I said was hi, you are welcome and bye. He wanted to thank me for coming the whole way with his mom. I was mad 1. Because I didn't get to speak to him before and 2. That thank you was on Saturday night when I'd already been there since Friday night. (but he is on duty...that means like 24 straight no sleep you are just on call, so I can understand that in retrospect) In spite of all of this I do love him and La I guess even if I had read your message before I left I would have still gone. I seriously would give him the world if i could and he knows that. But now it is time to the one person that I love more that him in this world...ME!
School tomorrow. I haven't been to Comm Policy in a while and I hope that my Social Psych teacher will take my paper that was due and done on Wed, but I didn't turn in due to this "family emergency". I also have Comparative Black Lit and a meeting with Dr. Jackson. I'm sure that we will taIk all about this crazy weekend. I am also going to attempt to go to the gym and get my fat ass in shape. I need to lose about 50lbs. (hopefully some by Christmas) I might as well shower before I lay down. I ache all over. Maybe I can be asleep by 4:15PM

i am who i am
3:52 AM

Guess where I am...Boston. Needham to be exact. The bus ride was long. Ex boyfriend's mom is a whiny bitch sometimes, but hey. I really like her cousin who we are staying at. She knows how the ex boyfriend's mom is and feels my pain. She even is letting me sleep downstairs...away from you know who. She is really sweet, she made us shabbat( I think that is how you spell it) dinner. It may not be so bad after all. I am so exhausted.
I went home last night and got to see my favorite aunt. We stayed up and did each other's toes. My grandma is trippin. First she opened my mail and called on Wednesday while I was trying to finish my paper to tell me that I got a check( I over paid for something). All I said is why are you opening my mail in the first place? Then she said that I had an attitude and that whatever she was gonna tell me she'll call and tell my mom. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yo when my ass be trying to kill myself in that four walled cell I don't see anyone calling me. To make a long story short I didn't tell anyone I was coming home ( let's rephrase that...I didn't tell her) or that I was only staying one night and that I was going to Boston. SO WHAT...HALF THE TIME NO ONE CARES. She said I wasn't communicating with her in proper way and I said bye. I guess I'm not going home next weekend like I wanted to. I don't think I need to ask permission or inform her of my every move. I am 23. Anyway everyone is tired of hearing aboout ex boyfriend and his mom so I don't tell them. Oh before I go La I'm sorry that I didn't reaaad you shout out before I left but things aren't too bad ...for now. Thank you for giving me advise when one else would bother to.
I miss Keisha ( I hope took Panic Room back to Blockbuster) and Sadia (she is in love) and Katina ( I'm sure she left me a message)
I know my mom is gonna be on some BS too but you know what they really don't "support" me...so they have no say
PS. Miss my great aunt died a year ago today. Maybe it is better that I'm here cause I could be alone in the dorm being depressed.
RIP Celina "Miss" Smith.

i am who i am
11:43 PM

DAMN HOW DO I GET MYSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS! Let's see. Where should I start? Well about two weeks ago, I spoke to my ex boyfriend's mother. She told me that when he got out of school he was going to be sent to a small town near Buffalo. She had the apartment set up and everything. The problem was that the person over him "heard that he was African American" and I guess wasn't really felling that so he got a transfer to Pennslyvania. The problem with that was that someone reenlisted and took his spot. Then they say that they are sending him to some subburb of Boston. Me being the nice person that I am, not to mention maddly in love, told his mom I'd help her find a place for him. So I search the internet trying to find good deals. I call her today and and she has this great idea that we ( me and her) should go out there this weekend and see some realtors. At first I guess you could say I was cool with that, but after some thought and some careful reminders that I am not his girlfriend, I ponder this question? WHY THE HELL AM I GOING. I know why I do these things, but does it honestly pay off? Is he going to appreciate me dropping everything and trying to help him, like I have done so many times in the past? I really do want to help him but I am tired of being used. I kinda already promised so it looks like I'm going to Boston.
I did finish my paper...I did not make it to class. I missed a test, I already missed one on Tuesday (had vomitting spells), and I 'm gonna miss school on Friday if I go to Boston. Maybe something will come up and I won't have to go. DAMN HOW DO I GET MYSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS!

i am who i am
8:30 PM

Last night I had the craziest dream. It was in three separate parts. On part included my roommate cutting a big chunck of my hair, the second part was one of my friends hooking up with my ex and the third I don't remember that well but it had to do with my mother. I woke crying and did not get much sleep. I was late for Media and Psychology and during the whole class I felt like throwing up. I came back to my dorm and ended up vomiting all afternoon and sleeping. I spoke to my ex boyfriend's mom and now I'm supposed to be helping her find someplace for him to live in Boston. I haven't seen my friend Kara online in a while...I hope she is okay. My cousin Thea was online tonight. I miss her so much. She is in Colorado attending the Air Force Acadamy. I don't think she likes it. I hope she is okay...she couldn't talk very long. I have a paper that is due tommorow @ 12 and I haven't started yet. Wish me luck.

i am who i am
11:59 PM